Most people at some time will arrange a funeral or will assist in the arrangement. Important decisions will need
to be made. The purpose of this leaflet is to provide information and suggestions that can help you make these decisions
wisely and with more confidence. The funeral is a ceremony of proven worth and value for those who mourn. It provides an
opportunity for the relatives and others who share in the loss to express their love, respect and grief and enables us
to face openly and realistically the many problems and questions that death presents. Through the funeral bereaved
relatives, friends and colleagues take that first step toward adjustment to their loss.
Many people find themselves bewildered and perplexed when face to face with bereavement, particularly when the loss
of a loved one is sudden and unexpected. Questions without immediate answers quickly fill the mind: feelings of panic
often cause confusion.
This carefully chiselled leaflet is designed to help. It takes nothing for granted. It offers answers that to some
may be obvious, but to many may be new. In a society that often seems to shun the reality of death this guide is offered
for support and information.
What should I do when someone dies?
When death occurs, call your Minister and a funeral director, who is ’on call’ 24 hours
a day, every day of the year. The funeral director will contact a Minister on your behalf, if you wish.
Who makes the funeral arrangement?
The funeral arrangements can be made at the funeral directors office or at the family home. If a
church is chosen for the place for the service, be assured that the funeral director is familiar with the rites
and customs of all denominations. After ascertaining the family’s wishes regarding the funeral, contact
will be made with the Minister about the service and the necessary arrangements for the burial or cremation.
Should we hold a funeral service?
A funeral acknowledges that death has occurred and also that a life has been lived. For Christian
people there is the hope of eternity, both for the bereaved and the deceased, which is expressed through the
prayers, scripture and music. The giving of spiritual comfort can be of great help at a time of death.
Should a funeral service be left as a private event?
It is not usual, but of course possible. However, while you remember your loved one it is likely
that others will remember as well. Death touches and effects relatives, friends and others in a variety of ways.
The funeral can provide everyone with an opportunity to acknowledge and to respond to the change that death has
brought about. Experience indicates this will not be accomplished by getting the funeral over as fast, or as
quietly, as possible.
Can a funeral service help me?
The Minister can give understanding support to those who mourn and help you in preparing the service.
Talking together at this time may enable you to accept the reality of what has happened. This should make the service
personal to you and your family. The fact of death will not be avoided but placed in the wider perspective of eternal
life.
Can children attend a funeral service?
This is a question which is often asked. Children of any age can certainly attend funeral services
but the child must be prepared so they know what to expect. Time must be given to answer their questions both
before and after the funeral. It is most important that the child is asked whether they want to attend.
What type of clothing is usually worn to a funeral service?
Most funerals are dignified occasions with an element of formality. This may guide your choice of what to wear.
Who issues a death certificate?
The Registrar of Births and Deaths. Your funeral director, doctor, hospital authority or
Coroner’s officer can tell you what to do and where to go if death occurs.
What is a Coroner?
A Coroner investigates sudden or unexplained death and every country has to appoint one or more
Coroners who are experienced doctors or lawyers. A death occurring in these circumstances is usually reported to
the Coroner by the police or by a doctor. Sometimes this is done by the Registrar. If the death is not due to
natural causes the Coroner is obliged by law to hold an inquest.
What about embalming?
The body must be embalmed for transporting to most countries and for long distances in the UK.
In the absence of specific instructions on the part of the family most funeral homes will embalm. If viewing
is requested or a long period of time before burial or cremation is involved it is usually required by the home.
What does the average funeral cost?
A quoted average can be misleading and does not give all the answers. You should ask the funeral
directors about the burial and cremation charges and receive an explanation of their services. Members of the
National Association of Funeral Directors, for example, are obliged by their code of practice to have price lists
available and to give written estimates. Most important, a family may select the funeral that suits their wishes
and circumstances.
How can I obtain a simple funeral service?
Any member of the National Association of Funeral Directors, for example, provides funerals to
meet the wishes and circumstances of all. Most important, the family may select their own funeral price. All
members of the Association are bound by their code of practice to offer a simple funeral.
Can a family arrange a burial or cremation directly with the cemetery or crematorium?
It is possible but arrangements for the funeral are usually made by the funeral director, not
by the family, to save unnecessary stress.
Is there a difference in cost between burial and cremation?
The funeral director’s charges for a cremation are usually similar to those for burial,
but the cost of purchasing a grave and a memorial tends to make the total cost of burial more expensive than
cremation.
How much do cemetery plots cost?
There is a great variation in the prices of graves from one area to another. Cemeteries are
operated by private and public companies, some will be operated by churches or local authorities as a service
to their people and hence there could be a large difference in rates. There will be extra charges for opening
and closing graves. Some cemeteries have regulations which govern the size of the headstones or ground level
makers. Your funeral director will have the costs for the various cemeteries in the local area and can give
you advice.
What are the funeral costs for a stillborn or newly born baby?
The health authority may offer to arrange a burial or cremation, free of charge, for every
stillborn baby, whether born in a hospital or at home. You should discuss the funeral arrangements with the
hospital staff. If you accept the offer, the baby will be cremated or buried at a simple ceremony. The parents
can, if they wish, arrange the funeral themselves with the local funeral director to meet their own beliefs,
the charges will then depend on the service required. Cemetery and cremation fees, if applicable will be over
and above whatever charges the funeral director may make. Fees and charges are often reduced and sometimes
waived but vary with locality. The majority of churches do not make a charge for the funeral of a child
under 12 months. Estimates of the costs are given by members of the National Association of Funeral
Directors.
Can funeral arrangements be made in advance?
Yes. This facility has been offered by funeral directors for many years. Instructions, as
given to the funeral directors, are filed with the funeral director until required. Most families will
also prepay the funds necessary to carry out the terms of the agreement. It must be remembered that funds
placed in a pre-payment organisation to arrange for goods and services in advance is needed, will pay no
interest and in most cases will not be refunded in full. It is a good idea to make your wishes known to
your family but do not make unreasonable requests that will be difficult for them to meet.
Who can claim help from the social security system?
You may get help if you have insufficient money to pay for a funeral you are responsible
for arranging and you or your partner are claiming any of the following:
- Income support
- Housing benefit
- Council tax benefit
- Family credit
- Disability working allowance
The benefit Agency of the Department of Social Security will give further information regarding
conditions attached to claims and payments. Payments have to be paid back to the social fund from any estate of
the person who died.
Can a family add to the department of social security allowance from the social fund for funerals?
Yes. Family and friends may pay for items which the applicant cannot pay from the social fund.
Can a funeral director arrange for a funeral at a distance?
Yes. All arrangements can be made for transporting and preparation through your local funeral director.
What procedure should be followed if a death occurs whilst away from home?
Contact your home town funeral director immediately. Your home town funeral director will assume
responsibility for the return of the deceased person and may engage the services of the funeral director in the
place of death who will act as an agent. Usually arrangements made in this manner will be less costly to the
family involved.
Does the deceased have to be accompanied or have an escort when moved to a distant location?
No.
Do cemeteries and crematoria have chapels for services?
Most of them do. Many families may prefer to use their local church for the main part of the service
followed by burial or cremation.
If a family has no church affiliation who will officiate at the service?
The funeral director would normally use your local Minister but if you require a non-religious service,
a secular celebrant can be obtained.
Is there a fee for the Minister or for the use of the church?
Yes. This is included in the total cost.
Can a Roman Catholic be cremated?
Yes. Catholics are encouraged to take part in a funeral mass before the deceased is cremated.
What is done with the cremated remains?
Cremated remains may be left with the crematorium for scattering or burial or may be returned to
the next of kin. However, many families choose to have the remains buried by suitable prayers, in a family plot
or specially designated sections of a cemetery or churchyard.
Is it necessary to have a coffin for cremation?
Yes. Most authorities require that the body must be placed in a combustible coffin which is
cremated. Usually the same type of coffin is used for the cremation as for burial.
Does anyone have to witness the cremation?
A witness is not necessary but can be arranged if requested.
How can I express sympathy?
- Flowers: The presence of flowers is helpful during the funeral when the sorrows of one become the
sorrows of all. The memory of flowers often remains for days or even weeks with the family. They also add
something to the service itself. The sending of flowers is a way of expressing sympathy. Some families give
friends a choice of sending flowers or making a donation to a charity.
- Memorial donations: To some families, the idea of a memorial contribution to a specific cause or
charity, is as much appreciated as flowers. Remember requests can be misinterpreted as dictating to friends
the manner in which they should express their sympathy. Your funeral director can assist
you with the wording to be used in the newspaper notice which will express your preferences with tact.
- Mass cards: The offering of prayers for the soul of someone who has died is perhaps the most valued
expression of sympathy to a Roman Catholic or some Anglican families. A card indicating that a mass for the
dead has been arranged is available through any Catholic church.
What is a memorial service?
A service conducted by a Minister or a lay person in a church or chapel where the deceased
person’s body is not present. The family is usually present at this service which is customarily held
sometime after the funeral. Some churches and crematoria hold an annual memorial service.
How can I give my body for medical research?
Those considering a donation of their body to medical school should contact the specific school
and ask for a Bequeathal Form and should understand the requirements of the school and what costs may be involved.
Consideration should also be given to what effects the donation may have upon the family survivors. The professor
of the department of anatomy reserves the right to refuse the offer of a Bequeathal due to circumstances at the time
of death. There is no guarantee of acceptance of any body at any time. Relatives who desire to reclaim the body for
private burial or cremation may do so by making a written request on the Bequeathal Form at the time of death. In this
case all expenses concerned with the burial or cremation must be borne by the estate of the deceased. Usually, this
is approximately 18 months to 3 years following receipt of the body by the university (it should be noted that not
all universities allow the body to be reclaimed for private burial or cremation).
Can I donate kidneys, etc.?
As a result of the advance in medical transplant knowledge and technique it is now possible for more
and more people to be restored to health. There is continuing need for organ donors and as most organs must be removed
within eight hours there should be no delay. It is imperative that your family is aware of your wishes in this matter.
Some concluding thoughts
It should be clear from reading this leaflet that there is no one funeral that is ’right or wrong’. There
are many options available to personalise the funeral and make it serve the specific needs of those involved. People
discussing their own funerals are often clear about what they want and sometimes these arrangements can cause difficulty
for the survivors. A funeral is a unique event, has value and is not purely an ordeal to be endured. The funeral of every
person is important. A well conducted funeral, with its attendant ceremony, not only recognises that a death has occurred
but also that a life has been lived.
Produced by The Churches’ Group on funeral services at cemeteries and crematoria.